Hancock:"Wing commander Hancock reporting sir."
Kerr: "Ah, come in Hancock. You know why I've sent for you?"
Hancock: "I can guess sir. P64?"
Kerr: "P64 it is. According to specifications it should top well over two 
thousand miles an hour."
Hancock: "Jolly good show."
Kerr: "But quite frankly, no-one knows exactly what will happen when 
you get up there. All we know is, that at that speed metal does 
peculiar things. Once you've gone through the heat barrier, metal can 
melt into jelly."
Hancock: "What flavour sir?"
Kerr:" Same, same old Hancock. Does nothing frighten you?"
Hancock: "Nothing in the air, sir."
Kerr: "Well now, here's a scale model of the aircraft. As you can see, 
the design is quite revolutionary.No wings. Vertical take off. You lie 
flat on your stomach in the cockpit, and you'll notice it's approximately 
half the size of anything else we have."
Hancock: "Ah! I'm a bit worried about that sir."
Kerr: "Ah, so you are human after all. What's worrying you eh?"
Hancock: "Will there be enough room for my moustache?"
Kerr: "Hmm, you're a cool customer: no different now as you were 
when you destroyed the German airforce in '43."
Hancock: "A little older sir?"
Kerr: "Good luck Hancock. England is proud of you. It's in the hanger 
waiting for you. Everything depends on you."
Hancock: "If.. if anything should go wrong sir... promise me, I..."
Kerr: "Ah, anything Hancock."
Hancock: "Don't abandon the project sir. Keep 'em flying. Melt all me 
medals down and build another one. There are plenty of other good 
chaps waiting to have a crack. Goodbye sir."
Kerr: "Goodbye Hancock. Sergeant James!"
James: "Sir."
Kerr: "Show Wing Commander Hancock to his plane."
James:" Sir."

James: "Don't forget it's a vertical take off sir."
Hancock: "I know. Don't bother to open the hanger door. I'll go out 
through the fanlight."

Hancock: "H for Hancock calling control tower. Levelling out at 
eighteen hundred miles per hour. Everything going to plan. Fine plane, 
tell the designer chappie."
Jacques: "Control tower, control tower to Hancock. We're worried 
about possible sabotage. The mechanic who was working on your 
aircraft is missing. Think you should come down. Land immediately. 
Repeat LAND IMMEDIATELY."
Hancock: "Nonsense. She's going beautifully. I don't know a thing 
about any mechanic. Taking her up to two thousand, four hundred 
miles an hour."
Hancock: "Hancock to control tower. Something strange is 
happening. There's a peculiar knocking sound on the windscreen. It 
seems to be coming from outside the plane. I'm slowing down to 
eighteen hundred miles an hour. Will slide cockpit open to see what's 
wrong."

Williams:" Good evening. It ain't 'alf cold out 'ere. Can I come in?"
Hancock: "What's that?"
Williams: "I say it ain't 'alf cold out 'ere. Can I come in?"
Hancock: "There's no room. Get off!"
Williams: "Oh, don't be like that. Move over: I'll sit on your lap."
Hancock: "Get your boot off me joystick. Do you mind? Who are 
you?"
Williams: "Me? I'm the mechanic. I was still working on the tail when 
you took off. Ooh honestly, it frightened the life out of me. I mean I 
wasn't expecting it. I was just sitting there, singing happily to meself, 
and then the next minute: Whoosh! I was up 'ere."
Hancock: "Sit still. I can't control the plane with you jumping about."
Williams: "Well, I'm only trying to get comfortable. All these knobs and 
levers 'ere, sticking in me. 'Ere, what's this one?"
Hancock: "DON'T TOUCH IT!"
(BANG!)
Williams: "Ooh! It's the ejector seat. Come back! Where are you?"
Hancock: "I'm out 'ere, sitting on the tail!"
Williams: "Ooh no, stop messin' about! No, come back in. It's no use 
sittin' out there sulkin'. I can't drive the thing."
Hancock: "Well go into a dive, so I can slide down!"
Williams: "All right! I'll try this lever"
(BANG!)
Williams: "Hello! You might have told me there was another ejector 
seat."
Hancock: "All right, well we're both out here. Now what do we do?"
Williams: "Ooh look. We're going up."
Hancock: "Well what do you expect when we're both sitting on the 
tail?"
Williams: "Isn't life funny? In the paper this morning, the stars said it 
was my lucky day."
Hancock: "If we keep going up at this rate, you'll be able to tell 'em 
they're wrong!"
Williams: "No well, come on. We've had a little skylark and a little 
giggle. Let's go down."
Hancock: "How can we go down? Look, we're finished. The engine's 
falling off."
Williams: "Oh that's all right. They've got plenty more down there."
Hancock: "We want one up 'ere. We're going into a dive. We're out 
of control. We can't get back to the cabin. Give me a piece of string."
Williams: "Ooh, I'm scared. Ooh!"
Hancock: "Don't panic man! Don't panic. This is the RAF. Where's 
that stiff upper lip?"
Williams: "It's above this loose flabby chin."
Hancock: "Give me that string. I'll get you down safely."

Kerr: "How did you manage it, sitting on the tail like that?"
Hancock: "Quite simple: I took a piece of string and lassoed the 
controls and steered it home. Lucky I was a cox at Oxford eh?"
Kerr: "Ah, brilliant work Hancock. You've won another medal. You'll 
go down in history as the most courageous and most decorated pilot 
in the RAF"

"Well there it is. Could have happened to anybody. Anyway I'd just 
like to say thank you for buying the record, or if your listening to it in a 
record shop, don't mess about, buy it. 
Not for me but think of the bloke who owns the shop, the poor devil. 
He's got a living to make, the same as the rest of us.
Thank you again, that's all. When I count to three, take the needle 
off. One, two three"

"There's no more"
